Peter and Judas

Usually I write about something that I've learned or at least am learning from my time with the Lord. Today is a little bit different - today I'm writing about something I would like to learn and understand, but at the moment I have no real, definite insight into. Peter and Judas. I'm sure that this has been studied and written about, so perhaps I just need to do some digging, but there is something special about studying just the Bible - without a commentary - and relying on the Lord to speak (not that commentarys are bad or not useful - every gifted Pastor that I know and respect uses them).

Jesus announces at the last supper that one of his disciples will betray him, that all will abandon him, and that Peter will deny him - 3 times before the night is out. As the night progresses, everything that Jesus prophesied came true. Judas betrayed Jesus to the religious leaders, the disciples turn and ran, and Peter denied Jesus vehemently 3 seperate times that same night. Peter, realizing what he had done immediately after the 3rd denial, went out and wept bitterly.

Judas is found in a similar yet completely different situation. Judas has betrayed Jesus. He saw Jesus being condemned by the leaders and he felt remorse. He knew that he had sinned by betraying the innocent and he went straight to the leaders to return the money he had taken. He threw it into the temple, went away, and hanged himself.

What a terrible story! Two men in very similar situations with very different outcomes. Why? I wish that we had more details into the inner workings of their hearts. I wish we could see what the real difference was between them. I imagine that Peter although bitterly ashamed had some type of hope down in his soul - he never hit the level of despair that Judas seemed to. The gospel of Mark singles Peter out after Jesus's resurrection - the angel appears to the women at the tomb and says, "Go and tell the disciples and Peter." There still needed to be that time of reconciliation between Peter and Jesus. Peter's life had been changed by his exposure to Jesus. At the moment of his denials he had stepped back, given into the flesh, and reacted out of fear - but He had been changed nonetheless. Judas, it would seem, was never changed by his encounters with Jesus. It seems like he went along with him, and when it appeared that his greatest advancement could come from betraying Jesus, that was the way he turned. The realization of what he had done did not come until later. Perhaps his eyes were opened at that moment to everything he had missed along the way - I don't know. I know that he was overcome by his guilt and because he had not a shred of hope he did what he could to escape it - he killed himself. Its sad.

As a lesson I guess its best to examine your heart to see why it is that You follow Jesus. To get something? To advance? To know him? To be changed by him? Motives are difficult to sort through and often times there are hidden agendas that will not be revealed until God chooses to show them to you. Its best to seek the Lord now - to ask Him what is in your heart - to ask Him to fix what is in your heart - repent now, while you can - and place your hope continually in Him.